Every year, around this time, the idiot public rush around like headless turkey's, buying trinkets and knick-knacks for their loved ones, in a vain attempt to prove how much love they have for one another.
This love, which is measured in monetary terms, and nothing else, is often left 'til the last moment.
I run a very successful online shop, even if I do say so myself. And I just did, so there!
The month of December is by far the busiest. I spend every waking day, and often well in to the night, dealing with sales. Picking, packing and invoicing. Over and over again, ad nauseum.
It is tiring, hard and even stressful at times. When you enter work, open up your emails and are faced with 162 emails to sift through, all containing orders, or questions about the product, it is a little daunting.
And to face that day in day out for a month solid, it's downright painful.
This year it's even harder. The Gods that are decided to blanket our fair land with snow. Making it impossible for everyone concerned. Transport is key in on line selling. No transport, no delivery, no sales.
Or so it should be. But still the sales roll in.
It is no secret that George Lucas, creator of legendary sci-fi tour de force 'Star Wars', is currently at work on a 3D updated version of his saga. But what wasn't known was the subtle changes he is making, to bring the saga bang up to date.
We have here a short list of a few of the changes that will appear in newly shot scenes, using new actors with previous stars faces CGI'd on to them.
Insiders at Lucasfilm have revealed that Luke will discover that Darth Vader is his father, through a leaked memo on a futuristic version of the Wikileaks website.
The document will cause quite a stir amongst the Rebel Alliance, who will attempt to shut the web-based gossip site down, by shooting a proton torpedo down an exhaust port in the back of the websites computer tower.
As Christmas fast approaches I wanted to get to the true meaning of Christmas. What is it that makes this such a special day?
We are often told, shamed even, in to sparing a thought for the person behind all this festive fun.
I'm talking about Jesus.
Jesus H. Christ.
For Christ the redeemer, who enjoys long walks on the lake, turning water in to moonshine, and riding a bicyle, has long been forgotten by people the world over.
Lovingly nailed to a cross for being a bit mad and professing himself to be the son of God, the original David Icke invented Christmas to be a time of joy and happiness. A moment for families to come together and praise God, thanking him for being omnipresent and omnipotent.
But things have changed over the years, the goalposts have been moved. God and Jesus are no longer top of the Christmas wish list. And of course, true to form, humans have become selfish and lazy.
This is what I truly feel Christmas means for so many of us.
The true 'spirit of Christmas', if you will. Read on.
Police are conducting a city wide search for a group of youths who callously left a pal hanging in a busy street, last Thursday evening, while out on the town drinking.
Reports suggest the group were out celebrating a work related job promotion, for one of the group, when the incident occurred.
Witness Mary Celeste, 18, told us "I saw the gang, ya know, kinda walkin' past, laughin', jokin' an' that! Fought one of 'em was well fit, but the ovver lot were proper mingin'! They was tellin' jokes an' that, y'know?"
"I just saw 'em movin' from one bar to the next, they was drinkin' an' that, but who don't? I know I was proper wrecked, even well before Deano nailed me behind the bins!"
Spook detective and International Talker Of Bollocks, Derek Acorah has sensationally channelled Princess Diana from beyond the grave, to seek approval for William and Kate's impending matrimony.
The craggy faced Liverpudlian ghost worrier told reporters that Di had tried contacting him on several occassions, but he was always out on business.
However, all that changed two nights ago.
Derek was having a cup of tea and a digestive, when Diana, Doer of Good, came through on a freephone line from Heaven.
A spokesman for Acorah told us "Derek was well chuffed. Surprised, but chuffed! He asked what it was like up there, but she was not very talkative, more interested in getting the message to her son. Typical Di, always putting others first."
The reason behind the recent bloodshed raging between North and South Korea, has been sensationally revealed by our man in the field Lenny Presbatyn.
Lenny told us by crackly video-phone, this afternoon "I have discovered that a high ranking official in the North Korean army lent, what appears to be a pencil, to an opposition officer in the South."
"He asked nicely for it back, but the pencil was not forthcoming, so the North started bombing the shit outta the South," at this point the picture was cut as a huge explosion erupted just yards from Lenny.
We managed to contact Lenny several hours later by mobile telephone, when he had made his way back to his hotel in Seoul.
After reports this week that a US bomb disposal expert has been given the go-ahead to sue the makers of hit Academy Award winning film 'The Hurt Locker', due to his 'likeness' being stolen for use as the lead role in the film, other people are lining up to pursue a similar undertaking.
Daniel Rathbone, 67, a retired cab driver from New York, is set to sue Martin Scorcese, as he claims he worked for 42 years as a 'Taxi Driver' and therefore lays claim to profits made from the film about his life.
Although he admits to never stalking a presidential campaigner, nor was he a Vietnam war veteran, he did drive a distinctive yellow cab during the night, so the film bares a remarkable resemblance to the story of his life.
