Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Arsenal Keeper Szczesny Replaced Mid Game Through Injury

Arsenal goal keeper, and officially world's most difficult name to spell, Wojciech Szczesny was substituted mid way through the first half of their crucial Champion's League game with Barcelona.

The keeper saved a shot on goal from the Spanish attack, and immediately looked to be in some considerable discomfort.

Waving to the sidelines, the Polish keeper indicated to medical staff that he had hurt his hand. Watching numerous playbacks, it was hard to determine exactly what had happened.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Royal Altercation At Palace Leaves William 'Furious' And Kate Middleton 'Extremely Upset'

Prince William is said to be 'furious' after his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, allegedly upset his wife-to-be, the commoner Kate Middleton.

The row took place in Buckingham Palace late one evening, sources say, and resulted in Miss Middleton storming out of the room and slamming a door.

The teary-eyed soon-to-be royal was said to be 'inconsolable', and wouldn't tell William what was said. Our source told us "she was weeping and Wills had his arms around her shoulder, but she just kept saying she didn't want to talk about it."

Our source went on "the Queen had been goading her all night, there were countless snide remarks about her background as they sat down for dinner."

"At one point I saw Her Majesty nod at Charles, it was obviously a prearranged instruction to him, to drop some gravy covered peas in to Kate's wine, while she had her head turned. I saw Philip dip his fingers in to his mashed potato, and as he walked behind Kate, pretending to get a glass of brandy from the side, he wiped it in her hair!"

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Ricky Gervais Set Upon Backstage By Hollywood Elite At Golden Globes

With the question still burning as to what happened to Ricky Gervais, for the second half of the Golden Globe awards ceremony, an eyewitness has stepped forward to reveal a shocking revelation.

Marty Wondergrist, star spotter and 'hanger-on', was no where near the backstage area when he claims a huge throng of top Tinseltown icons ganged up on Gervais, and 'roughed him up'.

"I couldn't believe it, I saw several top line actors pushing Ricky, and then an actress who is famous for buying children from all over the world stepped up and kneed him in the chest," said Wondergrist.

"The scuffle escalated," he continued, "when Gervais' security tried to get to him, but Downey Jr and De Niro held them back, I was shocked."

Gervais is reported to have sustained several bruises and a punctured lung (not confirmed) in the fight.

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Restaurant Guide With G.G Finn: The Wedged Hat, Winchester.

The quest for fine food brought myself and Glenda to the beautiful surroundings of Hampshire.

On the short drive from our country pile to The Wedged Hat, Glenda felt the need to constantly change the radio settings that I had spent several hours perfecting. I was already annoyed by the time we turned in to the long gravelled drive.

The quaint pub was pleasing to the eye, a mixture of Edwardian charm and 80's Wimpey modernisation.

Upon entering the establishment, Glenda pointed out the mixture of modern art and Mediaeval faux ancestry, dotted about the building. I was aware of it, as I'd just stubbed my toe on a rather cumbersome suit of armour, propped in the porch.

Reeling from the searing pain shooting through my foot, we were greeted by Marta, the four foot tall Polish front of house manager, with a faint moustache.

She was very pleasant. Well myself and Glenda assumed she was pleasant, she constantly smiled at us as she waffled on in a mixture of her native language, and some hotch potch of broken faux-English that really made no sense.